This entire piece stemmed from a conversation I had with my best friend, and I recognise

that it might not reflect everyone's experience.

 

A prominent trend among the urban populace and anyone's social circle is that, in general, is
how most of us care about how our potential romantic interests fit into the pre-existing
narrative of our lives, among our friends, what their beliefs are, and so on. It seems like we have lost sight of what truly matters—whether we truly care about them beyond the surface. Our main focus is seldom on their mental well-being, the struggles they are facing, or how we can create something meaningful and lasting together.

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The metrics are all wrong in modern dating. We have boxed our romantic interests so
much that we gauge the compatibility of a potential partner through how fast they get back to
our texts, whether or not they fall into the same narrowly defined political spectrum we ourselves belong to or if they have the “right” stance whatever the week’s newsflash happens to be. We commonly need to take the time to properly get familiar with the person of our
attention beyond their superficial layers and shared interests.

 

We are morbidly focused on how dating this person affects our friendship with our other friends
in the echo chamber that we have built up. We value their approval, or if dating our person of
interest appeases them more than how we feel about them. Being active in these echo
chambers has forced us to accept only everything we think is right. We are not even remotely
tolerant towards hearing a slight variation of our beliefs.

 

This rigidness is forcing us only to consider someone who fits a grocery store checklist and
has no leeway for something else that could meet our needs. Still, we are so laser-focused on
ticking all the boxes on our checklist that we do not even consider people marginally outside of
it for a second.

 

The indifference towards everything else that makes up a person other than the parts of them
we relate to is a damaging thing. Another huge fault in our approach is that we first decide we
like someone absolutely, and only then do we get to know them. That fundamentally is the
wrong approach. And it should be the other way around.

 

This laser-focused approach to finding common ground is causing us to miss out on all kinds
of great connections we could be having, not just romantic ones. Instead of shunning
potential matches based on where they stand politically or socially, we ought to get to know
where they're coming from and share our point of view with them. This brings two people
closer and gives us a much better fundamental insight into how they and their thought processes
work, which will do us much better when it comes to finding true compatibility.

 

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