Diary Entry #26
This is the only happy ending I get
And I do not get this nostalgia I feel
For a place I have never been.

​

Diary Entry #27
Dead people on TV look so beautiful.

​

Diary Entry #28
Our hearts, they change so easily.
But never does it
Revert to what they once were.

​

Diary Entry #29
Tarkovsky’s rain outside my window
Does not purify my soul; it only creates mud.

​

Diary Entry #30
I am tired of whining about how hard
Things have been lately.

if no one sees me, am I still alive?
I am not.

​

Diary Entry #31
There is so much blood in my sink right now.
I cannot confront myself, and

I cannot erase my sadness.
Everything I write is both a confession and

an apology for never being enough.

​

Diary Entry #32
I have lost the number of hours I
Spent burying my face in a pillow
so no one sees me crying.

​

Diary Entry #33
I have abandoned dreams
Passion, people, and the little

Bit of happiness I had.

​

Diary Entry #34
The sky burned today
I did not burn with it.
I have once again spent the

The vast majority of my day
Waiting for someone who

will never come back.

​

Diary Entry #35
The sensation that

I have lost something
Lingered on for a long time

After I woke up

​

Diary Entry #36
My heart is not getting anywhere.

it cannot.
The horrors that have been

Seared into my mind
will never disappear.

​

Diary Entry #37
The stench that has been

Lodged into my skin

Can never be scrubbed away.

​

Diary Entry #38
In this autumn forest
I can never stop the continuous

Howls inside my head
And all anyone feels about me is indifference

​

Diary Entry #39
Why can anyone not see me?

​

Diary Entry #40
I do not want to outlive

My constant need to write.
I do not know how to believe

the house I wake up in is my home.

​

Diary Entry #41
Years spent at my parents’ feel 

Like a foreign memory.
the lights in the window,
Where my throat was filled with silt
All the grief I hold, which shone so blazingly
that it almost made life worth living.

​

Diary Entry #42
When I wake up in the morning,

I find myself crying
I saw my happiest moments

in my dreams again.

​

Diary Entry #43
Tonight, I felt like everything would be fine
I wish the very best to the

People I have left behind,
I am better off where I am; no

​

Diary Entry #44
The lives I have loved crowd my dreams.

I have tried screaming in the shower.
Placing lavender plants near my window
of course, I have tried placing my grief
in hibiscus-coloured shelves

Like my mother wanted me to.

​

Diary Entry #45
My mother does not get how
Memory is the only home

I have ever gotten.
She does not understand

Why I have drawn so many
Circles in my mirror
Just to avoid knowing what

Meeting my eyes feels like.

​

Diary Entry #46
The screams of never being enough.
Voices that loathe me for who I am,
I do not know how to be anyone else.

​

Diary Entry #47
My nightmares are made of jealousy,

Bias, anger and fear
Where everyone I hold close is
Constantly dragging me down.

​

Diary Entry #48
My hatred for everything is exhausting
it is not fair that I am burdened

With the responsibility
of predicting every decision
For the person I hate the most.
Goddamn, at least there is
Still something to hate.

​

Diary Entry #49
All I wish to be someone

who is not me
be in a place that is
Not this.

​

Diary Entry #50
I am asking for

Too much of you

And it is tearing me apart.

​

Diary Entry #51
Come back now,
You have been away

For far too long.

​

Diary Entry #52
Will I ever be forgiven?
For what life has made of me?

​

Diary Entry #53
Even a thousand years from now
I will still be waiting for you.

​

Diary Entry #54
Opiates, Grey Goose, and the darkness
Inside me, that will devour my soul.
The darkness in me will never heal.

​

Diary Entry #55
Every day, I am getting
Worse and worse.

​

Diary Entry #56
and this new desire to keep 

Living is alien to me.

​

Diary Entry #57
I came out of the blue.

​

End.
This is not my place to gripe about it
Neither is it worth asserting my rights over it
I need to survive through this season
to see out this midsummer night’s dream
(it still is spring, is it not?)

Where life is precious and

I want to start over again
I still want to become

who I want to be.